FEELING LIKE CRAP WOULDN’T BE AN OPTION.

Twenty four hours from now we will be less than an hour from landing…landing in a world that is full of sand, sun, cabana boys. Hammocks hanging from palm trees. Endless food and DRINKS.

Twenty four hours from now if I still have this miserable headache and I am still taking sinus medication and still feel like total CRAP, I think I will officially breakdown and cry.

Why do I have to wake up with the same headache I had when I went to bed last night? Why do I have to wake up with ringing in my ears and my eyes feeling like they are bulging out of my skull?  I keep thinking about the 4 1/2 hour flight and how my head will explode all over my husband. Ok dramatic, but seriously, I AM MISERABLE! I would cry only that just adds to the pressure already building.

My only concern should be sand fleas. Thanks to my friend Bell, who has not only mentioned getting sand fleas, but has even found herself to be so humorous as to send me photos of the little bugs and information on them…and to Bell I would like to say: “If we get them, your house is the first that we are going to stop and deliver gifts!”

 

goodbye wouldn’t be so hard.

Ok. Yes, he is a dog. But he isn’t “just a dog” he is my dog.  The only member of the house that is ALWAYS happy to see me. He knows when I am sad and is a good boy…resting his oversized head on my lap…and when I am happy he is on my heels for my every turn and will drop his ball at my feet when I stop moving.

No, he isn’t dead. We dropped him off at a friends house for his TWO WEEK visit. TWO WEEKS! Crap! He is in heaven I know playing with their dog and running through the Creek, diving in the pond…he has been warned to leave the baby geese alone!

I will admit it. I cried after I dropped him off. Will he think that we left him for good? Will he miss us? Our home? The more I think that he will the more I cry, because how sad is that? Think about it. He loves me as much as I love him (and loves MIke even more than that!) My poor little Zoosey Goosey!

The cats, well they have it made. We are gone for 8 days…they get to stay in “their house”, with “their” beds and chairs to lay in…with nobody to tell them to get down, and more importantly WITH NO ZOOSE!  They are going to be in heaven! Yes, I will miss them as well, and I know that they will miss me…but today at this moment, my sympathies are with Zoosey.

Tomorrow morning, we drop Eric off at the airport for his 2.5 week visit to Ohio, Joey and Mikey will spend time with their other parents. We are going to limit our calls to the boys to only one. Our cellphones will charges us billions to call home and we don’t want to go through hassle of changing the plan etc.etc. been there done that…it sucks.  Plus…we are HONEYMOONERS…we want to RELAX and we know that if we call them more than once, we are going to miss them oh so much more once we hear their little voices…and neither of us want that…it is going to be hard enough as it is…

Did I mention that it is feeling like 99 there, at this moment, you know 10:50…AND that the rain is at 60% chance the next 10 days…yeah, we leave in 5!

On a happy note…mike had a dr. appointment yesterday, he has dropped 10 pounds…yep, he has dropped them from his body and attached them to my ass!

Hi STEVE!

If you have ever seen Multiplicity with Michael Keaton you just have to laugh! Remember the “reject” one who shaved his tongue! As I write this I am laughing!

I wish I could do that. NO. Not shave my tongue (or chug a 2 Liter of pepsi while wearing snorkeling goggles!) but have 3 or 4 of me running around. HAHA most people can barely handle one of me!

We have 7 days until we leave! S-E-V-E-N! Which would also have it as being 7 days of something EVERY DAY/NIGHT until we leave! Baseball games, Dr. Appointments, weekend up north (NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT ONE!), another baseball game…when am I going to find time to return the clothes that I bought on Monday…the clothes that I went shopping for WITH A FRIEND! that Mike doesn’t like? And the more I keep trying them on I am not so sure that they are “me” either. But I can’t just return…returning means I no longer have…which I NEED…so I have to throw more shopping into the mix…and let me tell you somethign that doesn’t mix is me shopping last minute!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Feeling much better now…thank you!

DId I mention that while trying on a cute sundress I asked my friend to go grab me an extra large (things seemed to run small…normally a L is all I need) and the snotty lady working there said “UHM YEAH. WE DON’T GO THAT LARGE AT THIS STORE!”

 

 

I would know how to count!

Like many families we have been patiently waiting for our stimulus package.

As soon as they announced the “paymnet schedule” I was on it…DAMN! We didn’t do direct deposit and both of us have the last two digits of 95. So we would be some of the LAST to get their $$$..while opening the mail last night I realized, “I am an idiot!” How did I ever get past first grade? Make that kindergarten?

I have been using the “first two” numbers of the “last four” numbers…WHY? “I AM AN IDIOT!”

So yippee…my check should arrive tomorrow and Mike’s arrive next week! I am thrilled and I honestly do not ever remember thinking “I LOVE BEING AN IDIOT!” It was a very good suprise! I mean we knew the money was heading our way, but a whole month earlier!?!  Life is good…oh wait, did I mention that we are supposed to more severe storms with like 60 mph winds, today AND tomorrow…possibly ANOTHER 4 inches of rain! You better bet I am not spending ANY of this on new flowers!!

 

I wouldn’t feel bad about our “honeymoon”

Yes it is paid for….including food and drinks…Yes we in theory won’t have to pay for anything…but ther is always the excursion that you want to do  or that really cool “knick knack” to remind you of the great time you had…So we will be taking some money(what little we can scrounge…since part of that money was “used” for graduation happenings that were not expected)… Christmas gifts of cash are always welcome in JUNE! *Cough*

Other than feeling guilty about spending money that we don’t have so to speak, we feel terrible about the timing of it all. Joey has is Little League all star game the first saturday that we are gone. This is HUGE! Next year he will be playing on the next “level” and because of that, he gets his name announced while on the field…and they will be “scouting” him. Next years coaches actually draft their players. This sounds a bit absurd since we are talking about 7 year olds, but “it is what it is ” (as I am told these days.) We are not going to be there. I know that it isn’t the end of the world, but I cry when I think about it.

Joey goes to his dad’s this weekend and is there “for the summer”. The next 8 weeks he will be with us only on weekends…Yes, this is how my husband and I feel everyday about not having more than 2 weekends a month with Mikey, but having Joey full time is a normal thing for us. We miss him terribly.

I think that I feel it is harder on Joey than it is. He does call me several times a day when at at his dads…and asks when he gets to “come home”..basing this all off of lasts summer…but he has no interaction with other children..at all. Yes, grandma and grandpa (who provide care during the day) take him to the pool, park and zoo often…but it isn’t the same.

Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself…I am a mom..I have that right.

I keep telling myself that I can’t let any of this interfere with our HONEYMOON! This is the first vacation we have taken together sans children in the 4 years we have been together…We are excited, but at the same time we feel bad in the back of our minds…but in the front of our hearts.

 

I wouldn’t have wasted my time and money!

As I have said before, we are spending A LOT OF TIME and MORE MONEY on our home. We have little free time and even less money…so when the rains/storms that we have had the past week completely ruin my flowers and mess up the freshly reblacktopped driveway I am gonna get a little urked.

Yes, I am well aware of the houses that are being washed away, the towns destroyed, people left with nothing but the shirt (and I mean just the one they were wearing) on their backs. I feel terrible for these families, and if there was anything I could do to help them out, I would. But just like all of the starving children who would love to eat the last three bites of my sons hotdog (because he “just can’t” finish it) I can’ t help them. Yes, in a way I could “sponsor a child”  and perhaps someday I will. 

Before it comes across that I am crying over my dead gardens and ruined driveway and it appears that I am saying my issues are just as bad as people who MOST DEFINITELY have it MUCH MUCH MUCH worse…I am not…I am simply saying that it sucks.

I wouldn’t be considered a witch and come in behind the cat!

As most of the midwest, we were struck by tornados and strong storms over the weekend. Luckily our home was not affected, however homes even 5 miles from us were damaged or destroyed.  We are very thankful and feel terrible for all the damage.

During one of the “rounds” of storms, I had run out to the store. As the sirens went off and Mike took the boys downstairs, Joey started crying. He was afraid “his family was going to die”…Mike has such a way with him and explained that we were going to be “ok”. I phoned in and reassured him not to worry. Later that night Joey talked to me about his fear and scolded me. “Mom. You never should have let me watch that tornado movie. I think that it was inappropriate.” (wizard of Oz)

I reminded him that it was “just a movie” and that as long as you prepare yourself for bad weather etc. you will be ok. I did tell him that yes, sometimes people do die in tornados, but he doesn’t have to worry…and that in the “tornado movie” Dorothy doesn’t die.

“I was worried because you weren’t in the house…you were outside like the green witch?”

I laughed, “are you comparing me to a witch?”

He laughed back a nervous laugh at me and “yeah”.

All in good fun…I hugged him a BIG HUG and took that moment in.

On Friday, he actually brought home everything from his desk at school…his writing journal was very interesting. He had numerous pages in this notebook about different things, friends, movies, toys, and our pets. He wrote a short (4-5 sentence) “story” about each of them.

Mind you this isn’t the first time that he has brought something home about Tudy (our fat cat) which reads “I LOVE HER MORE THAN MY MOM”. I finally asked him , “do you mean that you love TUDY more than I love TUDY?” His chin goes down and eyes look at me and so lovingly says “I only love TUDY a little more than I love you.”

Again, all I can do is laugh…memories…the things life is made of!

I wouldn’t be an anxious drug addict.

I am one of those people…sometimes I don’t let things bother me and then other times LOOK OUT!

Little things bother me more than the big things…I notice though it is when I am feeling crowded or if it is warm and humid…seriously happened just this morning…but normally when I feel crowded…even if it is just by Joey and Mike in the kitchen…other times it is when there is a lot of noise/things going on at same time…Mike is talking, Joey is asking the same question for the third time (and still not liking my answer), the dog is getting in my way (because he is soo excited to see me)..I am trying to go through the mail (frustrated that all we got were BILLS), Eric didn’t do the dishes like we asked..and I have to pee.

I SNAP. I don’t want to hear anything, see anybody. When it starts like that I know that it will snowball…I will get upset at the laundry (that we always have) I will get upset because mike offers to help with dinner (because I want to be alone) or upset when he doesn’t offer (because I am not a maid)…stupid things really..

Yeah..I have tried the whole medication kick…ZOLOFT at first after my son was born for post-partum…ZOLOFT should be called ZOMBIE…hated it…then it was Paxil…well that worked for about a month and then I even off and didn’t feel any better so I stopped taking that…didn’t stop and think that perhaps talking to my dr. about upping dosage would help…Lexapro…now that was a great one…gave me upset stomach EVERY DAY…I could fall asleep but then would wake after 4 hours and not be able to fall asleep…which made me tired and cranky…not to mention the sexual side effects…and all for the grand price of $65 a month!! Luckily I asked Dr. for free samples to make sure that it was going to work before investing $$ into it…yeah I still have about 2 months of the 6 month supply at home.

I need your help! Any natural things that you know work? I dont’ think it is depression…just anxiety…I can go a month and be fine but then it flairs up and I just want to find the biggest darkest hole for awhile.

I don’t like the idea of having to take medication for the rest of my life…but understand that sometimes you need to…but my question is how come 20 years ago people weren’t popping pills for this or that like they are today? “happy pills” have gone up something like 85% in past 25 years (dont’ quote me on that..but is what I have heard)…Is it all the polution? global warming? seriously…or could it be the pharmaceutical companies and dr.’s who just want to diagnose it to treat it and make $$? One thought is all the additives and preservatives that is in everything…our diets…perhaps…but I know that as much as I don’t want to take the meds…I do…I want to feel “normal”…whatever that is.

you would be on my blog roll and I would be on yours…

Got a blog?

Let me know…I will add you to my blogroll….Lets see how big many we can get!

Oh yeah…will you add me to yours?

 

We could be your neighbors! If you know us raise your hand!!

For future reference: Mikey (youngest) Joey (middle) Mike (husband)

I am trying to get my descriptions to post below photos! UGH! MIkey is the one in the top photo!